We live in an increasingly busy world. It’s a BIT subjective based upon what cycle of life you are living (with young kids, older kids, empty nester), but in a post-pandemic world things have really picked up in terms of what is on our list of “to do’s”. As women, specifically, what tends to happen in all of this busy-ness is that we put ourselves LAST. By nature, women are nurturers. We nurture and make sure our family and friends are taken care of and most of the time, that leaves no time, energy, or monetary investment for ourselves. However, doing such compassionate acts for others leaves you vulnerable to depression, illness, and a lower self-worth. In the end, when you don’t take care of yourself, you are at risk of putting yourself into a situation where you can take care of and help absolutely no one!
Put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
Truth! If you have ever been on an airplane, you have heard them say this during the safety presentation. When you think about it, it makes sense! If you try to help your husband, your children, your best friend on an airplane that has no oxygen, you will pass out from lack of oxygen, which means that anyone you have not been able to help yet YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HELP. When you put YOUR oxygen mask on FIRST, you will have enough oxygen to help those around you.
This post was inspired by a recent conversation with a friend. She and I were talking about how easy it is to let life happen to you and that alters the value and importance you have of self. It happens slowly and over-time, so you don’t really notice the shift. If you don’t cultivate the self and WHO YOU BE, one day you wake up and wonder where you went and who you are.
So, today, my focus is on the the topic of showing up for yourself, the value in it, why it’s important, and how to do it. Tony Robbins talks about how he was once taught by a golf instructor the difference a 2mm shift can make over time in his golf game. The same idea applies to business and to self-growth, too. Minor shifts, when completed over-time WILL change your impact and your results. So, instead of feeling overwhelmed and feeling like taking time to show up for yourself will be impossible, focus on the small 2mm shifts you can make, consistently, to make an impact on not only you, but also on everyone in your life. The fact is, when YOU better yourself, you lift those around you. I love this quote below by John F. Kennedy:
A rising tide lifts all boats.
It’s time to SHOW UP!
Let’s increase our impact by showing up for ourselves! In case you are not convinced yet, here are some powerful reasons that it’s past time for you to start the process:
- It gives you a Self-Confidence Boost. When you take the time to invest in yourself, whether that is taking the time to exercise, eat well, educate and grow your mind, or dress well, you are sending an internal message to yourself that you are worth it. It fires the wiring inside of your brain and boosts your self-confidence because you have kept a commitment to yourself. That increases trust with yourself and the confidence within that you can do the hard things.
- It allows you to maintain a positive self-identity. When you prioritize self-care, you feel better about yourself and who you are. When you think about what YOU want, what YOU desire, what lights YOU up, you will confidently speak your voice and share your gifts with the world.
- You get to set a positive example. Young eyes are watching all the time. What do you want those eyes to see? Are you living out your life in a way that you are proud of? Do you treat yourself in a way that you would want your daughter, son, or grandchildren to treat themselves? Are you being a positive role model of self-love?
- The relationship effect can be huge. When you lift your self-love lid, you will feel better, lift your emotional state, and that allows for you to have a better energy for the people you do life with. The fact that we love ourselves and show up doing it makes us more receptive, more positive, and happier. You can shine this light on the people around you easily when it’s so strong that you don’t have to dig for the light.
- Self-care allows you to improve your productivity. This one goes along with that confidence boost. When you allow yourself to put time and energy into your well-being, when you SHOW UP, that boosts your energy and your internal feels. When you feel better internally, you are ready to show it to the world externally. You will desire to dress better because that allows you to feel better and when you dress better, studies have shown, you will perform better.
Okay, so now let’s talk a bit about the HOW. In what ways can you make the 2mm shifts to start showing up for yourself and increasing your impact? There are many ways to do this. As I said, start with one or two and as those begin to become part of your habit and routine, add in a few more. Here are some of the activities you can do to show up for yourself:
- Establish a Morning Routine. Get up a bit earlier, before everyone else in the house for this one (I know, it’s hard). When you first wake up, you could practice some deep breathing and while you do that, visualize and set your intention for the day. Setting your mindset towards positivity and progress is a great start. You could sip on your coffee and read a book or listen to a podcast. You could exercise or stretch. Many people make a conscious choice to not even look at their phones until after the morning routine is completed. The morning routine is YOURS and what feels good for you. Some people plan an hour, some plan 30 minutes, but whatever you choose, it needs to work for you or you won’t do it.
- Prioritize Self-Care. This may be exercising, eating right, or going for your mani/pedi on the regular. Maybe self-care looks like going for consistent massages or taking hikes in the peace and quiet of the wilderness. Maybe it looks like going to lunch by yourself and taking a book with you or going to see a movie by yourself. Really think about what a healthy, positive self-care ritual would be for you and make the plan and keep the commitment to yourself.
- Nurture Healthy, Joyful Relationships. Spend time with people who light you up, who make you feel good about yourself, who are positive, who don’t make snap judgements, and who support you (and vice versa). These people can also be a great place for receiving loving feedback on your ideas and feelings and who will be gently honest with you. When you find those people, schedule regular dates to meet up. That could be a GNO, coffee, lunch, a walk, whatever you can fit into your schedule. You will leave feeling soul-filled when you find these people. Nurture and grow those relationships.
- Set Boundaries. This applies to all areas of your life: work, friendships, relationships, time, family…EVERYTHING. Know your non-negotiables, and where you can, make them be known upfront. An example for me is with my business. My business as a Personal Style Coach is very personal, close, and one-on-one. I have boundaries surrounding the Clients I will take on that they are respectful and open-minded because of the nature of my business. It’s important for MY self-care. I also set time boundaries of when I will work and when I will not and make that clear upfront. Knowing the things that are going to be healthy for you when it comes to boundaries is paramount. It’s more than okay to say NO to things that will deplete you!
- Invest in Learning, Education, and Self Growth. This could be in the way of taking classes, attending events and summits, working with a coach, or just reading self-growth books consistently. Your world expands when you expand your mind. You become more knowledgeable, more open to change and to hearing the other side of the story. Expanding your mind in ways that light you up and challenge you will make you feel good and grow your confidence.
- Take Time for Mindfulness Practices. This ties back to prioritizing self-care, but it can be meditation, deep breathing, or visualization. Meditation is good for the physical body, as is deep breathing because we tend to breathe very shallow most of the time. Visualization is one practice that many people don’t realize the benefits of, but there is scientific proof that your brain cannot tell the difference between you actually having done something physically or by fully visualizing it. It’s extremely powerful, so set your intention.
- Set Goals and Take Action on Them. Think about the year ahead. What do you want to accomplish and what steps do you need to get there? YOU. What YOU want to achieve for yourself, not what someone else wants or not something for someone else! Make a plan and then break it down into small bite-sized actions you can take to get there.
- Practice Gratitude. The universe naturally wants to bring us what we desire. When we approach our lives from a place of being grateful for all of the many things we have, our health, our gifts, the food on the table, friends, family, jobs, and so many more things, the universe will see that you are grateful for what you have and naturally want to bring you more. This one may be Woo Woo for some, but it truly works and you can manifest your desires when you are grateful for what you have already been given. Gratitude also naturally makes you feel happier because you are consciously thinking about all of the blessings you have in life and that brings a feeling of joy.
- Self-Reflect. What do you believe in? What is important to you? Are you living your core values? When you make a decision about something and go for it, reflect on what it would mean to accomplish your goal. When you hit a roadblock in life, instead of being upset about it, try to think about what you could have done differently. Not what someone else could have done, but what YOU could have done. Own your side of challenges in life instead of putting blame on others. This leads to a stronger feeling of control that you have over your life.
- Celebrate Your Successes. This is an absolute MUST. Be proud of everything you achieve or accomplish, no matter how small. It doesn’t mean you need to buy yourself a lavish gift for each small success (save that for the end goal big success), but you need to recognize when you have achieved something that you have been working on or toward. For example, maybe you worked out today and you haven’t in a long time. Make sure to feel proud of yourself, tell someone, and take in how amazing it feels to have followed through for yourself.
- Live Generously and Give Back. This is where we can really learn gratitude and feel like we are making a difference for others. Find causes that are important to you, volunteer, offer to help someone who needs help. This will give you a sense of purpose and will skyrocket your joy.
- Invest in a Wardrobe that Empowers You. As a Personal Stylist, I am here to tell you that showing up for yourself means not wearing casual atheleisure every day. When you get up and go to work (even if it’s in your home, on your couch), you will feel more purposeful, more driven, more confident, and have more of a voice when you put on real clothes! I’m not talking about suits, but beautiful, stretchy Ponte Trousers and a stunning blouse, and your flat dress sandals instead of your slippers. Dress the part and you will see a change in how you approach your work day and how you show up for it.
- Seek Support Where Needed. There is nothing wrong with seeking a professional for help. Whether this is a therapist to talk to or a personal stylist to help you elevate your style and mindset, asking for help can be very rewarding. It gives you a sense of pride that you are committed enough to your own well-being that you have asked for someone else help or take something off of your plate.
- Connect with What Lights You Up. What are you passionate about? What lights your soul on fire? What activities or hobbies do you have the most fun doing? Maybe this is where you can express your creative side. If you have fun painting, drawing, writing, baking, cooking, or playing an instrument, carve time out to do it! Put it on your calendar and commit to doing it, no matter how tired you may be. These activities have a positive impact because they release stress, give a higher purpose, and even increase cognitive function (article linked here).
- Stay Resilient. Listen, life happens and isn’t always easy. Know WHO you are and your purpose, remember that we all make mistakes, we all have struggles, but that those who push through grow exponentially in the end. When you see challenges as an opportunity to learn, you will be that much more powerful. I love this quote from Nelson Mandela, it’s one of my favorites:
I can tell you personally that I have had a huge growth year in my self-love, self-worth, and self-confidence because I have engaged in many personal growth activities. Growing a business will do that to a person. 😉 Even as I share all of these ideas for how to show up for yourself, I am still a work-in-progress and at this point, that’s how I want it to be. Because I have shown up for myself, I want to keep that progress, that learning, and that deep knowing that I matter, I make a difference, and what I do impacts lives tremendously.
I hope that you will save this blog post and read it again and again and remember that YOU are important, what YOU value is important, YOU matter, and that you need to SHOW UP for YOU so you can have a bigger impact and shine your light on the world!
Stylishly Yours,
Need help on the style front?! That’s what I do! Head on over to my website and learn how I can help you find your true, aligned style! I would also love to have you inside my FREE 5-Day Style Challenge. I will be sharing more on next week’s blog post!