Does your style ever feel like Groundhog’s Day?
You wake up over and over again and wear the same clothes, feel “blah” about what you are wearing, and maybe have even stopped even trying? Maybe you just feel that your clothes are “easy” and you don’t want to have to think about getting dressed? Potentially, you felt great in a style when you were younger or maybe had less weight on your body and you keep holding onto those clothes because they made you feel good? Maybe you are unsure about how to wear the current styles for your body that just feels like an awkward stranger to you?
If you are like many of us (me included), you may have been nodding as you were reading some of those questions. That means, you may be in a “style rut”.
First of all, let me tell you, style ruts are quite common throughout life. When you understand why someone might find themselves in a style rut, you will realize why they are so completely common. So, Michelle, WHAT are the reasons I may be in a style rut? Do you live a busy life, barely having time for yourself? Do you have a lack of time or interest in visiting a store or shopping online because finding the right sizing is just frustrating? Are you nervous about trying to wear something new because you don’t trust that you will know if it looks good on you or not? Do you feel like you lack the knowledge about what looks good on you or lack the confidence in yourself to try something new?
As you can see, the reasons women find themselves in a style rut are pervasive. To get out of a style rut, as is true of anything in life, you have to WANT to get out of it enough that the obstacles you reach along the way no longer matter. You have to first RECOGNIZE that you are in a style rut and make an intentional decision that you don’t want to live this way any longer before you can make a change.
Before we step too far into feeling badly about ourselves for finding ourselves in a style rut, let me say this: STOP! Finding yourself in a style rut is an indicator of something else that is happening in your life that is causing you dissatisfaction. A style rut is a “heads up” to you that you desire something different. So, let’s say “Thank You” to the rut and then learn what we can do to correct it!
Let me share about the 4 most common types of Style Ruts and then we will talk about how to break free from it!
- COMFORT CRAVER – If you have a tendency to reach for the same clothes, but they don’t really speak to who you are, this may be you. You may tend to reach for oversized sweaters, loose t-shirts, leggings, old scruffy hoodies, elasticized or drawstring pants, flip flops, or Ugg boots.
- What are the downsides to this Style Rut? Subconsciously, it can hold you back if you wear the same old scruffy clothes. It can trigger a negative unhealthy spiral of thoughts about yourself if you wear these clothes all the time. It also gives a first impression to others of laziness, which may not be the case, but first impressions are difficult to change.
- What is this Style Rut telling you about your Fears and Needs? You may be afraid of change or have a level of uncertainty in life; a fear of failure; a fear that you lack the ability to compete with others; you are feeling a certain level of stress or overwhelm; you feel inadequate to compete with others because you may tell yourself you are not young enough, not smart enough, or attractive enough; you may fear what success will bring.
- HOARDER – Do you have a closet that is overflowing with lots of clothes, but you only wear a small portion of what you own? You may have clothes that still have tags on them or that you didn’t even know you had. You may say you are “saving” pieces for your daughter or that you associate with a past relationship, job, or weight.
- What are the downsides to this Style Rut? You may have feelings of guilt for having spent so much or having so many items in your closet, but still feeling dissatisfied. You may feel suffocated by having so much stuff. You may feel defeated because you have trouble getting control of your wardrobe.
- What is this Style Rut telling you about your Fears and Needs? You may be concerned about scarcity; you may struggle letting go of the past; you may worry that you are going to lose something that brings you joy; you may have strong feelings of FOMO (fear of missing out) or regret; you may be worried that you are not ready for what the future is going to bring or the challenges that life can serve up.
- TIME TRAVELLER – Your clothes may represent connections you have emotionally to a past time, place, job, or relationship. They may remind you of a time when you were younger, slimmer, felt happier, or more footloose and fancy free. It may be difficult for you to release clothes because of your emotional connection with them. Maybe inside, you have grown and changed, but your external appearance has remained the same.
- What are the downsides to this Style Rut? You may appear like you are out of touch with the current time to others. You may feel invisible to others or that other people don’t take you seriously. The clothes that used to make you feel confident may no longer provide that sense because you have changed internally, your body has changed, or your lifestyle has changed. When you shop, you may not even know where to begin because you have no understanding of current styles. You may feel held back in your career because of your style.
- What is this Style Rut telling you about your Fears and Needs? You may be feeling a resistance to change, worried about trying new things; you may worry about making mistakes or making the wrong choices; you may have a fear of looking ridiculous; you may fear letting go of the past or of aging; you may feel inadequate or comparing yourself to others or your past self; you may fear success or what may happen if you elevate yourself; you may fear criticism or judgement from those that you work with or are close to you.
- STORYTELLER – If you tell yourself stories about what style means, this may be the rut you find yourself in. If you tend to tell yourself that you can never wear such and such because of this and that, this may be your style rut. If you have a lot of inside talk as you are shopping and getting dressed, or if you worry a lot about how others perceive you and what they think of you, this may be your style rut.
- What are the downsides to this Style Rut? This particular style rut is very pervasive because you create narratives in your mind that turn into your beliefs about style and yourself as it relates to style. You may avoid attending events because you just aren’t sure what to wear. You may be allowing your fear of making mistakes with your style say more about you (LIES) than is true. You may find yourself feeling bored with your style and lacking any creativity and personality. You may wish you had more exciting pieces to wear, but you just aren’t sure what to wear and worry about what others think.
- What is this Style Rut telling you about your Fears and Needs? You may be resistant to change or trying new things; you may worry about disapproval or judgement from others; you may fear making mistakes or things not being perfect; you may worry about having too much attention on yourself; you worry that people will think you are an imposter; you worry about being ridiculed or talked about.
- Pay attention to what is important to you and what you want your Style to communicate about you. If you love comfort, you don’t have to ditch comfortable clothes, you just need to find ways to elevate your style using comfortable fabrics.
- Create a Style Vision Board in Pinterest. Search online for images that speak to how you want to look in your style. Do you notice any trends? Are there “looks” in your Style Vision Board that surprise you?
- Create a list of Style Words. Really think about your values and think about your style. If someone were to describe your style, or if someone asked YOU to describe your style, what positive words would you use and do you want to apply to your wardrobe and to your style?
- Head to your closet. Using a discerning eye, look at the pieces in your closet while you have your Style Vision Board and Style Words in front of you. Remove pieces that do not fit that vision.
- As you are in your closet, remember that pieces from the past are likely no longer current. Keep in mind that pieces that you are keeping that are no longer in your size will only serve to remind you of the fact that you are no longer that size. Keep in mind that as we age, things “shift”, so regardless of weight, clothes from the past fit differently. If you are trying to lose weight, don’t you think you will be ready to reward yourself with something new, pretty, and that fits perfectly for your body NOW when you hit your goal weight?! Trust me, you will!
- Put together Mix and Match outfit ideas with what remains in your closet. Take note of any “holes” that you have found since you removed items that don’t serve you or your style vision.
- Experiment with different accessories. Accessories can add a huge punch of style to your looks. What pieces could you add to what is left in your closet that will speak to your style vision? Make a list and as you see something that speaks to you, you can gradually increase your “accessory wardrobe”
- Be willing and open-minded to try new things. It can be uncomfortable to step outside of your comfort zone, but nothing remarkable comes from inside your comfort zone, including sparks of joy.
- Remember that you always must keep “YOU” in the picture. You will never be confident in your style if you don’t love it, if it doesn’t feel comfortable to YOU, true to YOU, and bring YOU joy.
