Life isn’t always easy. And there is one thing that is constant in life and that is change. Think about your life. Did you used to think you were “so fat” when you were younger and now look back on those days and WISH to be at the weight you were at? Do you look at your face when you wake up in the morning and see sleep lines and then….they are still there 2 hours later? When you look in the mirror, do you notice lines that you don’t remember being there before? Or see a gray hair and wonder when THAT started happening (and subsequently dig through your roots trying to find how many you have!)? You may be thinking “Gee, Michelle, thanks for the uplifting talk”, but the truth is it’s easy to see our changing appearance as we age and wonder what happened to our youth and wonder where the years have gone.
The same goes for style, fashion, and even makeup. Remember blue eyeshadow? Have you ever seen someone walking around with makeup that looked outdated and really aged them? Our appearance is something that, like it or not, is going to continue to change. We have to accept it…every single person at one point will be sitting in the same spot.
Just like the rest of these things that change, our style can be one of those things that sneaks up on us and dates us. Or, as our bodies change and we got used to wearing leggings all the time (Thanks, Covid), we find ourselves still wearing the same comfortable clothes because we still have those Covid pounds or those clothes are just so comfortable. This is where we can easily find ourselves in a style rut.
For many busy women who are juggling career and family life, getting dressed every day can become just another task on the list. This makes it easier to find yourself in a style rut, where your style takes a backseat and your wardrobe is uninspired. Today, we are going to explore what the signs are of a style rut, what it may look like, and talk about how to break out of it.
Recognizing the Signs of a Style Rut
Like anything in life, when we do something everyday, it’s easy for us to go through the motions and not even realize what we have done. How many times have you left the house and thought “Did I lock the door?” because it’s just a habit you automatically do without thinking about it. Dressing can easily become the same way. Here are some clues that you may have fallen into a style rut:
- You repeatedly reach for the same outfits
- You look at the clothes in your closet and feel uninspired
- You purchase the same styles over and over again
- Putting clothes on does not bring you joy
- You shy away from trying new styles
- The pieces in your closet are outdated
- The idea of shopping for clothes causes you stress
- You have no idea what your style is
Do any of these sound familiar? If so, you, my friend, may be in a style rut. So how did you get here? What are the reasons women find themselves in this place?
Causes for Style Ruts
Most of the time, we find ourselves in a Style Rut for emotional or situational reasons. Here are some examples:
- Difficulty accepting body changes as we age
- Loss of confidence or self-esteem
- Frequent feelings of stress, anxiety, or fatigue
- Fear of the changes that come with the aging process
- Struggling to move on from past events
- Living in the happy days of the past
- Unhealthy relationships
- Divorce or bereavement
- Life changes such as pregnancy, menopause, or cancer
Just like comfort eating, many times we find ourselves comfort dressing. Clothes can cause us to feel a certain way or can remind us of good times. Maybe we just love the way a big, cozy sweater feels on our body. When you get into a habit of dressing based upon your emotions, it’s easy to find yourself in a style rut.
Have you ever heard of Secondary Gains? It means that we are getting something positive out of the unhealthy behavior we are performing. Here are some examples when it comes to our style ruts and the positive feelings that they give us: security, stability and predictability, reassurance, reliability, convenience, consistency, connection, validation, efficiency, preparedness.
Many times Style Ruts come back to fears that we are experiencing in life and we keep cycling back to our “comfort clothes” because they make us feel happy or content, or keep us hidden from view.
But we have a choice!
We can choose to wear clothes that sustain us positively or negatively. We can choose to dress emotionally which keeps us in a cycle of false security and predictability, but leaves us feeling low self-esteem and having negative self-beliefs OR we can choose to dress fabulously which grows your self love and boosts confidence and allows us to authentically express ourselves, make healthier habit choices, and perpetuates enjoyment of our personal style. We get a dopamine hit from either of these cycles. Dopamine makes you feel good, so you keep repeating the behavior. But which of the above scenarios sounds better to you?
If you think you are in a style rut and have decided to break up with it, just like you would an unhealthy relationship, what would you want to express or say before you let it go?
You’re ready to break free from your Style Rut. Now what?
Recognizing you are in a Style Rut takes courage, but this is the part where the “rubber meets the road” as they say. Sit down and write how your Style Rut has been serving you. What emotions has it been fulfilling? Here’s an example: You have kept clothes in your closet for when you lose weight (your “goal pieces”). The secondary gain here is that it makes you feel like you are making changes to get back into those pieces just because you have kept them. On the inside though, every time you see them hanging in your closet, you feel like a failure because you still are not able to fit in them. Here is another example: Your closet is filled with oversized, stretchy, comfortable clothes. The secondary gain is that you feel hidden and no one can see what is underneath the clothes. On the inside though, you feel like you have nothing to wear whenever your friends or partner talk about wanting to go out and you feel frumpy.
These are just a couple of ideas to spark your thoughts. Once you have come up with that, you need rewrite the story and tell yourself how that need can be fulfilled by style when you get out of the rut. In our first example, that might be that when you get rid of those clothes, they will no longer hold you back. You will find clothes that look good on your body now and fit now and once you feel good, you will be inspired to take action to take care of your body better. In our second example, you can shop for pieces that are still comfortable, but that are a bit more comfort-luxe that speak to your style, but allow you to show off your true personality.
Now that you have done the work on paper, it’s time to really take a look at your closet and decide what you are ready to let go of. This will be a process and that’s okay, but while you are doing this, take a look online and create a vision of what you want your style to say. Look at current images of street style, fashion influencers, and social media. Play with the clothes you own and see if your research has inspired you to create new looks with what you already have. Identify the gaps you can fill by purchasing a few new quality pieces.
This process all starts with the mind. When you are ready to change and feel better about yourself, you will take the active steps to make those changes. Taking care of yourself, elevating your style, getting out of a style rut is one thing that can make the difference and truly make you look like you’re 10 years younger. One thing that I know with 100% certainty is that you absolutely should not underestimate the power of style.
Prioritize yourself, your style, and your well-being. You can’t afford not too. It is so important to your confidence, self-worth, and happiness in life.
Stylishly Yours,
PS – Need help updating your style? This is what I do. Visit my website and schedule a Style Consultation Call. I love helping women feel and look their best!